accomplished twins. life is a go
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
