I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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