She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
