Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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