I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
