K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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