i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
