I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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