I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
