Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
