Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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