So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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