toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
