Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
