There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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