just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
