she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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