I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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