How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
