Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
