Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
