just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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