the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i will never coherently bang her
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
