people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
