Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
