there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
