I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
