So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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