I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
