When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
