butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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