Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
im on a boat
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