I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
