So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
