i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everyone says I win the strip club
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
