Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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