You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would ride that face into the sunset
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
