My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
