I will die if light touches me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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