Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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