It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
