He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
