It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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