I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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