We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
