If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
