Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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