guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my liver is dry heaving
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
