my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
