You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
