there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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