a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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