she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
