Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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